alexander.. had it worse, but still. oof.

well, today's been a bang-up day. i woke up late, which isn't a huge deal, but it put me off my schedule, which is kinda irritating. i stopped at the mailbox to make sure my job app that i left there overnight was gone and mailed -- just kidding, it's still there. i am glad i checked, since i thought i was just being silly making sure it was gone, but now i have to stop at the post office. turns out it needed 54 more cents, although i'm not even sure post office guy checked the box -- i didn't realize til later that i didn't do anything special to the box to signify that there was mail in it, so if we didn't get any, he may just not have checked the box at all. seriously, though, why on earth does it take 97 cents to mail a paper-sized envelope with 6 -- count 'em, 6 -- pieces of paper in it. is it that much heavier than if i'd folded them and put them in a regular envelope?

so i stop at the post office, pay the freaking 54 cents, and i'm on my way. my car is still obnoxiously loud, thanks to the new exhaust & muffler system i had to get in march that makes my 92 tempo sound like i'm running a diesel engine. sweet. i plan to call them next week about it.. i was going to call them this week, but the last time i went there they a) sold me this Goddamn loud exhaust system and b) tried to sell me $2,000ish worth of other maintenance. i guess they didn't realize that we bought the car for $2650. so if my car needs that much work, i'll probably just go try to buy a newer car. but anyway, i want to have my dad on call for this, and he's on his honeymoon in nh, so i am waiting to call them til next week. it's been loud since march, it can wait another week. but it's still irritating to hear. i mean, i already drive a beat-up car, but does it really have to sound like one too??

so right, i go to work. i find out i have one story to fill my entire local section. one story. um... not gonna work. then i find some photos sent over the fax from a photographer. handily, they go with my one story. unhandily (is that a word?), they are covered with instructions -- 'cover photo (if this is a cover story)', 'headline here' (with an arrow), 'don't crop this out', 'don't put text over this', 'more headline space here', etc. the other one says 'dominant inside photo' (as in, inside the paper, not the cover of the newspaper). so already, this is causing steam to come out my ears. this is an ongoing battle at work -- i think the photographers take too much liberty, and it irritates me. i feel like they are telling me how to do my job, and i find that offensive, especially since a lot of their "suggestions" (as my boss calls them) are really obvious things, implying that whoever is building the paper is a complete idiot and wouldn't know to not cut off an integral part of the picture. so i've had this conversation before with my boss, and i always lose. i lost so bad that he sent out a couple-page memo on treatment of photographs that i'm not even going to talk about because it made me want to tear my hair out. it was full of contradictions, and the main message was do what the photographers want so they'll give us more photos and be helpful.
now, my position on this is that it is their JOB to give us photos and be helpful. if they don't like it, if they don't like the way their pictures are cropped, if they don't like that there are occasionally words over the photos (this only ever happens on covers, btw, so maybe they should just be happy their photo is on the cover), then maybe they should go work for some other type of media. perhaps an art gallery. in a newspaper, the art (photos, graphics, etc) is there to accent the writing, not the other way around. i am not going to design a page around a photo. that is insane.
::breathes:: anyway. so i mistakenly take this to one of my bosses, explaining why i think sometimes the photographers go overboard -- cause this was excessive, even for them. in the ensuing conversation, well, suffice it to say i lost, again. but i didn't give in, and i maintained that it was offensive. i resent them telling me what to do. i don't tell them how to take their photographs, they shouldn't tell me how to design pages. i am the page designer, they are not. i actually enjoy designing pages, especially the cover. so the implication that i suck at it and need paint-by-number instructions irritates the living hell out of me. i even asked other editors and another photographer, and they all agreed it was crap. meanwhile, the boss just kept his position and got snippy.
awesome.

it turns out i didn't even use that photo on the cover anyway, though. it wasn't even to be vindictive, i just really thought the other photo was better. once i looked at them on the screen (the fax quality is crap, so you can't really tell what the photos are), i thought the second photo was a better cover, and i asked another boss over and without explaining which was which, i asked him which of the two he thought would be a better cover, and he agreed with me. so, inadvertently in your face, photographer. i suppose that's just a bonus, my cover looked great and the photographer gets burned. although again, their photo is on the cover of a newspaper, so it's not really a burn, is it?

it also turned out that i ended up having more than one story, so that was good. and they were all in early, so that was also good because it meant i got done early. so i guess at least that's good.

i was trying to decide whether or not to apply for another job i found online for a graphics editor/design editor. i emailed the contact person to ask if it was day or night hours -- since i'm trying to avoid night hours (like the plague, if you will) -- and she said it's mostly day with occasional night and weekend. i'm not thrilled, since i don't want to work nights and weekends, and it's in springfield, which is about 30-ish min, about what i'm driving now. i'd rather have a shorter commute, but i suppose the same is okay so long as i get mostly day hours. it's also journalism, which is good but bad, because i like what i do, but journalism kind of sucks as a career field. the pay is not usually great, the hours suck, places where the hours don't suck are scarce, and once you start climbing the ladder, you stop designing that many pages, and that's my favorite part of the whole job. and my very least favorite thing: you never get any holidays because people always need a Goddamn paper, even the day after christmas so that means someone has to work christmas. and every other holiday. think about that the next time you open a paper on the day after thanksgiving, or dec. 26, or jan. 1, or jan. 2. appreciate the fact that people were in the office on thanksgiving, christmas, new year's.. you name it, we're there. and that sucks.

so anyway. the job needs the whole schebang -- resume, cover letter, samples, three reference letters. i was a bit hesitant, because i only have so many options for reference letters, and i am reluctant to ask them for letters on jobs i'm not sure i have a great chance at. but i talked to some people and they all said go for it, so i decided to go for it. and one of my references wrote me back with 'are you qualified for this job?' ...well, no. probably not. but i'm not qualified for a hell of a lot, and i'm desperate to get out of this job. i am a fast learner, and i will teach myself as much as i can in order to get the job, but it's certainly not like anyone at my job is training me in these particular aspects.

because he's right, i am low on the sort of experience they're asking for, more creating graphics in photoshop than pages, and i don't know how to do that. but i said i'd look tutorials up online and buy a photoshop for dummies book (turns out, it really does exist). and he gave me a name of a person at one of our sister papers who might be able to help, although i have no idea how, since i have nothing to offer her in the way of payment or motivation to train me. so he is going to write a letter, and he's right. in fewer words, he pointed out that it's possibly fruitless, so that was sort of a bummer. i would rather have confidence, not doubt. but such is life, i suppose.

i applied for three different jobs, so here's hoping something comes of one of them, because i just don't know how much longer i can take this. i'm so ready to just quit and go work in a restaurant or something. i honestly think i'd be happier. the other day, a couple of guys were bitching and threatening to "walk" and i snapped and told one of them to just do it already. he was pretty offended, but i'm tired of listening to it. someone threatens to quit every 10 minutes there, and i just want to walk around with PUT UP OR SHUT UP tattooed on my forehead. they're just noisy and annoying, because they clearly haven't quit, so they're just doing it to get attention. so now since they clearly aren't quitting, people just ignore them, so they just bitch louder and longer. freaking excellent.

so apparently my mom almost applied for one of the jobs that i applied for. it's in vernon, and i know she looks on careerbuilder, which is where i found it, so i was a little nervous telling her about it. i didn't want to be stealing anything, yknow? not like i think i have excellent chances against her, just that i think she wouldn't apply if she knows i am, so i didn't want it to be a 'well i could have applied for that if monica didn't' sort of thing. she deserves a better job too. all she said was that she almost applied, so i don't know if she had already decided not to or if she was still deciding and then me saying i was applying stopped her. i told her she still could if she wanted to. i much prefer my chances if she's not up for it too, since i'm pretty sure neither of us is probably exactly what they need, but we are both smart and educated and she may have some experience that i don't have. but i don't want to take away the chance for her, yknow?

so, God willing, i will have a new job sometime in the next.. ever. i'd prefer soon, myself. but i sort of believe that fate's involved, so i'm sure something will come along when the timing's good and right. i just hope it's soon. i've been patient, i've waited, i've served my time, i've tried to not be miserable. but i'm getting pretty tired of it. i know i have learned a lot in the past year, but i'm not even really sure a lot of it was to the benefit of a career -- esp since i'm not even sure i want to stay with journalism. i learned a lot about surviving a workplace you hate, how to deal with certain types of people, etc. it was probably good for me to have to deal with some of these people. ie, one of them uses such a vile, hateful tone all the time. it's just so .. disgusted. and i think i've probably used that tone before, and working with him has really shown me how uncomfortable and offensive it is, and so i try to watch it and not use that anymore. he's also very overcritical, and that's shown me how it's really better to let the little things go sometimes. another person is always complaining, and i tried not to before, but now i try especially harder not to since i see how much it wears down the people around you. i've learned a lot about holding my tongue in the past year. i've always had a problem with temper, and i think this job has really helped me rein it in a bit. it's been a work in progress forever, but working where i do, i think i have taken leaps and bounds in not saying something when i really, really, really, really, really want to.

so. i think i've learned a lot of lessons, but.. i want out. i've wanted out since i got there, and everyone else made it out.. i am just hoping it's my turn. because i'm seriously considering serving, or retail, or just about anything, if i have to. maybe i could find a bartending job. it's still night hours, but at least i'd have more fun. although bartending jobs are hard to come by without any experience. gah. i don't have any experience at anything, save waiting tables and some retail. blast.

oh right, back to the terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad-day. although i suppose it really wasn't that bad, it's just not great. so i come home, i cook up some food which turns out to be not so great. not terrible, but not great, so that's sort of disappointing. then later, i am just sitting there watching tv, and i go to adjust my glasses, and snap. off comes an arm. ...uh? what? i just bought those glasses in january. WITH insurance, they cost me over $100. without insurance, they would have been about 3-400$. sooo that's sort of a problem. i can't find any receipt, although i feel like i would have saved it. so i guess i'll just call up the place tomorrow and hope they're under warranty, cause.. well. this blows. i can't afford to replace them, esp since i already used my insurance and i can't get new frames until at least january -- if not another year after that. and glasses, they're fairly essential. i don't even have contacts to fall back on, because i can't afford them. i have one pair that is super old that i occasionally wear if i really really need to, and i try to only wear them for a few hours at a time since i am sure they are terrible for my eyes.

so, in summary, i am pretty glad today is almost over. i realize it's already 'tomorrow' for most of you, but it's still wednesday for me, so bear with me here.

it's about time to go wake up boyfriend for work and sob about my newly-one-arm-less glasses. ironically, his are also the same way. same arm and everything. the twist is his are like three or four years old, and he has brand new contacts. also, he never really liked his, whereas i love mine. and if i have to replace them out of pocket, i'm looking at a cheap boring pair, which blows, because i love having cool glasses. it's an accessory i wear every day, i want them to be great.

sigh. onward to thursday!

the best-laid plans of mice and men...

i've always loved that phrase, but i have no idea why or when mice have plans, and why, when or how they would get ruined. but there's 80,000 ways to say that same idea, and some others i enjoy are: man plans, God laughs. man proposes, God disposes. etc.

so since it's pretty early this is gonna be a quick one. i only have two pictures from the wedding so far, and they are both of my hair from the back. i figured there'd be plenty from the front, and i wanted the back documented, so after the wedding and reception and before the after party, i had jon take two shots with my cell phone.

the title of the blog comes from the fact that the hair is not what we had originally planned, which was kind of a bummer, cause i had really liked it -- in fact, it was the only thing in the whole ensemble i was really excited for. the rest i liked but didn't love. but apparently it was too humid for curls, so my tumbling cascade of curls would have been floppy nonsense with no curl, so... booo! but the end result was still pretty. i thought it looked a little prom-ish from the front, but i don't have any pictures of that at this time, haha, and it seemed to be a hit, so it's all good. my only complaint was that it was like 8 times the bobby pins the original style took, so when i felt down into it, i couldn't even feel my scalp.. just metal. which was weird. a first for me, since i never did the whole getting-my-hair-done-for-prom thing.

anyway.. enjoy. and just know that these pictures are after about 7 hours of wedding/reception/drinking/eating/occasional dancing/tons of picture-taking and literally about two minutes before i started ripping bobby pins out of my head. with jon's help, haha. what a good boyfriend!

(dad's) gonna get maa-aaa-aarried

so work has been a little busy the past week and a half.. one of my bosses is out and the other is going crazy trying to cover for the one that's on vacation. plus we have a small staff anyway, so having one person out always means more work (and more chaos) for everybody.

on that note, i have tomorrow off! i took it off because i thought there would be a rehearsal dinner on the eve of the wedding, as is usual, but bc of all the kids' work schedules, dad and bonnie decided to have the rehearsal last sunday. and i decided to keep friday off anyway. i have some errands to run, but mostly i just don't want to go to work. i want to be around for a friday night. not that we have much planned.. we're deciding between going to iparty, going to bidwell's (the place with all the wings!! ::drool::) or cooking faJitas.

either way, my dad's wedding is saturday, and that's a little weird for me. i'm happy he's happy, but it's just not something you ever picture yourself going to, i guess. and/or being involved in. as in the maid of honor. although technically i am the only girl up there (besides bonnie and the justice of the peace, anyway). eric is dad's best man, and then bonnie's boys will walk down after me and go stand on her side with the eldest walking her down the aisle, and then eric and i will be on dad's side.

i am sure it will be lovely. the dress is okay.. still not my favorite ever, but def not the worst ever, either. bonnie & her sister keep saying i should have it taken up to tea slash knee length to have as a party dress, and i am thinking they might be right, i think i might like it better like that. but then i'm not really used to full-length gowns, so that might be why.. i've only ever worn them ..... 3? times. for proms. that's it. i don't even wear full length skirts. they look really cute on some people but i always feel like a hippie. and uncomfortable. and if you feel uncomfortable in your clothes, you look uncomfortable.. so i just skip them. knee length is my favorite for skirts, basically.

i am excited for the hair, though. i was nervous about the whole professional hair done thing, but the style the girl came up with -- in the midst of a double dose of antibiotics for a kidney infection, for pete's sake -- well, i really liked it. i can't remember if i blogged about this, so quick synopsis slash recap: she used a 1-inch curling iron and curled all my hair in small sections and then used a bunch of bobby pins to make a cascading waterfall of curls down my back, and up on my head it had that sort of messy but elegant look. i know that seems contradictory, but i don't know how else to explain it. i really liked it, and i'm excited to see how it comes out with hairspray and all, actually doing it. (the double antibiotics were making her nauseous, so we nixed hair spray and did it sort of quick, the poor girl.) i loved the whole cascade of curls thing, and i was so relieved that it had a soft look to it, not a slicked-back helmet of hair-sprayed hair. i know it'll be sprayed now, but it's okay because it's not that generic prom hair look that i just can't see myself wearing.

i'm sort of nervous for the makeup, mostly because i don't wear much. i wear foundation, cover up and mascara, and that's pretty much the extent. occasionally i play around with blush, eyeliner and/or eyeshadow, but it's never usually much and usually in neutral colors, soft browns & tans, although i have some blues i like to use. (side note, i bought that almay 'bring out your eyes' thing, and i was so not impressed. my eyes didn't pop any more than they usually do.) i like to have friends do my makeup, though.. it's fun. i don't really know what i'm doing, so i'd rather have people playing who know what they're doing.. i may or may not end up looking like a clown when i do it. i remember once when we were kids my best friend and i did each other's makeup and i literally made her look like she was a ghost -- not on purpose, either. it was sorta creepy. and proved that i am not much good at makeup, so i usually keep it pretty simple. it's okay, anyway, i'm not really a makeup wearer. i don't think i would be even if i knew how.. some people can rock it but i always think i look sorta weird. just me with paint, sorta.. not really prettier or anything. but maybe that's just cause i'm used to my face regular? haha. turns out jon isn't a big makeup fan anyway, so that works out for the best. although he hates chapstick and lip gloss, which is sort of a bummer, cause i do like to wear both, and i've pretty much cut down on all usage, cause he makes a face when i kiss him, and that's not really the reaction i'm going for, yknow?

okay, dress, hair, makeup, what else.. the shoes are okay, they are a goldish color with small sparkly iridescent sequins covering the straps, which are a simple curved band across the toe and then an ankle strap. the heel's around 2, 2.5, so that's not bad. a little bit of height but i won't feel like a giant -- although thank God for 6'4" boyfriends! i can wear just about anything. and i say just about because i tried on a pair of stripper boots at halloween last year and i was literally looking him in the eye. it was weird. anyway. the wedding heels, they're all right, not my favorite but again not the worst ever. they look good with the dress, and you can't really see them anyway cause the dress hem goes basically to the floor. i am a tad concerned that they will hurt my feet and i will have to take them off, which is not a problem in and of itself but only becomes one because that would raise the possibility of stepping on the dress and ripping/tearing/otherwise destroying said dress.
(research -- they are these shoes: http://www.gownsbysimpleelegance.com/gowns/Crystal.html but in a light gold-ish color.)
(research2 -- they are actually these: http://www.gownsbysimpleelegance.com/gowns/BabySequin.html but the other picture is better, i think, so i left it up, ha.)

okay, dress, hair, makeup, shoes... oh! purse. oof. my aunt got me this gold beaded scallop-shaped purse, and ... well, let's just say i would not have bought it. although, to be fair, i have never bought an evening purse.. my mom bought my first one and i stole my second one (not on purpose, i just forgot to give it back) from a friend in hs). and she was trying to be nice. i suppose it works out anyway because i only have black purses, and they wouldn't really have gone.

jewelry, i am borrowing some stuff from bonnie -- about .02% of my jewelry is gold. i have a necklace that my dad gave me for graduation that is a gold and silver looped charm (it loops over a necklace) and has a rainbow of gems in it. the trouble is the necklace itself didn't work -- it's a reversible omega chain (http://www.ntferro.com/shop/images/OM6WY16_lg.jpg) but because it stays in that circle shape, it just didn't fit with the halter style dress, so we had to find another chain for the charm. the problem there was it's a good-sized charm, so it dwarfs a small chain, but bonnie had one that was a decent match for it, so i'm borrowing that. and a pair of earrings that are gold and they are four diamond-shapes of gold stuck together one on top of another. simple, won't take away from the necklace or the hair, and the angles sort of match the charm. and she said she's going to pick me up a simple gold bracelet, so we will see what that becomes!

i think that's about it for wedding updates. now you can all envision me on saturday (okay, sort of), and i am sure there will be plenty of pictures -- dad's friends go crazy with cameras -- so i am sure i will find some to post after the wedding.

in the meantime, i'm going to go to bed now.
a lovely friday and ensuing weekend to all!
(ps, anyone who picked up on the fact that the title of this is 'going to the chapel,' i am impressed, and you win my favor. woot!)